Help XAB Just Contacted Me
I've been lurking here for about a month and I swear I could have written most of the posts I've read about dealing/living with an alcoholic. I dated him for 3 years. I've known him for 13 through work, but never knew he was an alcoholic. He has all of the traits. 3 kids with 2 other women out of wedlock, no money, no home, no car (until he left me a month ago). He was peeing around the house (he used to blame the cat), peed under the sink, peed the bed. He drinks about 1 liter of vodka a night. He drank every day except for maybe 1 in the last three years I was with him. He works a different shift than I do so I'd only see him after 10:30PM Tues - Sat and on Sundays and Mondays he spent time with his daughters. I took care of his son (from out of state) all summer long (financially and actual care). He was not very communicative. He would never say if he spoke to his son or his out of state family. I just found out after he left that the mother of his daughters got married about a year ago and he never said anything about it. State secret?? He would stay up late (2-4 am) every night and go outside to sit in the car and smoke and talk on the phone to other people. I got to the point where I didn't like myself very much because I was arguing with him all the time. He couldn't understand why I would get mad. He was falling down the stairs waking me up wanting attention. Intimacy came to a crawl by the end and I started cutting off support. The man didn't even buy deodorant for the past three years. I'm a classic codie. I did everything. I could save him right? Wrong. I felt bad for him. He was adopted and his 2 brothers were killed within the last 10 years and that's when his drinking started. About a month ago I found that he was talking to another woman every night when he was out in the car and confronted him on it and told him he would have to leave and miracle upon miracles he did. He packed up his stuff and brought me back the car that I bought for him to use (I know... cringe) I swear that car has more dings and dents than any car I've ever owned in my life. One time I took a water bottle that was in the bedroom to fill the iron and realized a little too late that it was vodka. The day he brought the car back there was a bottle of water under the seat with vodka in it. I was adamant about him not drinking and driving, but after reading all I have read here he was probably drinking first thing in the morning and taking sips throughout the day. I know I'm all over the place, but its a long story that we've all lived through. He was never violent and he wasn't a mean drunk, just really goofy. I too hate the sound of the ice clinking in the glass and the pouring sound. I hated waking up next to him stinking every single day. I'd have to open the windows to air the place out sometimes. He left a shadow of his body on the sheets every week. This summer he disrespected me in front of his son and that's when I started to detach myself emotionally, but I was still hurt by the fact that he ran off with someone who worked for him. He bought a used truck for himself at 20% that is way above what he can afford. I got mail at my house that showed she insured it for him. That's how I found out where he went. A couple of weeks ago I got more mail saying he couldn't get his tags because he has insurance violations. Anyway today out of the blue 1 month and 8 days after he walked out the door I get an e-mail... "Hi". Oh my God. I'm still in love with him and of course the good codie in me wants to bring him back home and save him but I CAN'T! I told my parents that he was an alcoholic and all of the bad times I had just so I wouldn't be able to take him back without being disowned. I know I'm better off. I know I can't save him. I know, I know, I know. But it's hard to control your emotions. Tomorrow is my birthday and we had such a nice time last year. My parents were shocked when I told them he was an alcoholic. He hides it well when he has to. I just need strength. The problem is I bought a house this year (in my name only) we lived there together for 9 months. He knows where I am. I can't hide out. Help!