Red-
I understand your worries, since everything up to this point seems to go negatively concerning your wife.
Try to focus on reality here. You said you're worried you could lose your whole family because it may appear you've made the first move.
Is this really true? The first move, from my perspective (an outsider's), was the progression of your wife's disease.
Securing your home for your children's welfare, comfort, and safety is absolutely the best step you can take for them right now.
If your wife is distracted...let's be realistic here. Wouldn't all of us be subject to 'outside events' in everyday real life? So, wouldn't we all be responsible for our own feelings about the world around us? So is true for your wife. It will be hard for her, maybe, however, the world cannot stop just because she's in recovery.
Does that make sense?
I'm sorry your wife's counselor is worried. But, again, those feelings of worry and your wife's reaction to the world around her is for HER to manage, not you, not me, and certainly not your children.
If you're concerned about extended family's perspective of your actions, one of the sayings that goes around here has been helpful to me:
"What other people think about me is none of my business"
Peace,
skipper