hi cafleen...And WELCOME to SR. I'm glad you've been reading here for a while and that you've decided to share your story. There's a great deal of wisdom to be found here.
You ended your post with an excellent question. Let's flesh it out a bit. Do you accept your AH as he is today, totally and completely, drunkeness and emotional distance included? That is the only person he is willing to be at this moment.
Catlovermi pointed out rather adeptly that your needs are not being met and if you "accept" your AH as he is now, they will undoubtedly continue not to be met. What's more, seeing as alcoholism is a progressive disease, I surmise that your husband's drinking will eventually get worse and he will become even less available than he is now. Can you live with this?
As for your kids, have you asked them directly if they want you to remain in a partnership with an alcoholic who spends his evenings and week-ends mildly blotto and unavailable to you or them? I don't know how old they are as I type this...
Whether they want a "united home" or not, do they also want a mother who is happy, respected and fulfilled? Do you believe that you deserve that?
I strongly advise that you find a local Al-Anon meeting and start attending regularly. There's great comfort to be found in being surrounded by people who've been where you are right now.
Please keep posting and reading as much as you like. SR is *always* open
