BulldogBlue,
I hear real concern for your friend's continued road of recovery after she comes back home from her treatment facility. As you should be, I feel.
I am writing this to you as if you were my 35 year old son who, also, has been used by many of his close girl friends. My son was used by one of his close girl friends as her first confidante after she was raped one night. Needless to say she was a basket case when she arrived at his front door. My son was able to console her, and get her calmed down. After she was calmed down, :ghug3 he was able to convince her to report it to the authorities and took her to the police department.
I don't feel your close girl friend's husband is dealing with his wife's road to recovery in the proper manner. However, there is an adage in recovery that says the alcoholic must accept they are powerless over people, places and things......anything that can trigger her urge for drinking. It appears her husband doesn't understand this adage. "He continued,
"I will handle it and as much as you don't want to hear this, all of her (my friend, his wife) former friends and her former world have to go away." Her husband needs to start working on his own recovery. It definitely sounds like he is a codependent, at the least.
As I view it, your close girl friend will need the continued support of her positive influences from her life to support her on her road of recovery. It's like when a surgeon is doing surgery on an organ. The surgeon will cut out the bad parts, but preserve the good parts.
You write
"I feel brainwashed by this man and feel very caught in the middle." Don't let her husband make you feel brainwashed. I really do feel like you are sincerely worried about the wellness and health of your friend; but you are caught in a
"Catch 22". I would recommend somehow to let your girl friend know you will be there for her, but don't try to interfer in her relationship with her husband.
I have a feeling she will be contacting you after she gets back home......trust your feelings and your intuition!
Just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest.
Love and Peace,
Phoenix