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Old 12-15-2010, 04:35 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
TakingCharge999
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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I am so sad now. We live in the same small town and I see him at least twice a week in passing. I just cant do this anymore. I hate it more than anything when he ignores me and he knows that. I am so insecure about this woman he goes out and about drinking with (she does not know he is an alcoholic). Our evenings used to be spent watching sport, reading, never going out because he was tired. Yet he seems to be able to go out and about with her with no problem at all. This given he KNOWS I battle with infidelity given how my marriage ended.

Dear God......please help me to break free.......this is the heardest thing I will ever do.



Hey... the same happened to me!! well, we were not married but I was also "madly in love" and he got someone else right infront of my nose and he brought her to the office , I ran into them EVERYWHERE, she is a "fun drinker" and I kept running into their pictures at the beach etc etc.

2 years later he is still the same drunk loser he always was. And I am starting to like myself more and to have less feelings about him. I used to torture myself imagining both of them and their life etc etc. I am not perfect but by now I know its all a show he puts. That indifference hurts me but mainly its due to daddy issues and how my dad did the same, abandoned me, leave mom and act as if nothing happened and as if I didn't matter or my feelings were inappropiate. The lack of acknowledgement for my pain makes me very very sad. I know this is not about XABF as he is nothing special, its the relation with my dad I need to heal and after I do that XABF or anyone else will be easy to deal with.

In therapy and reading self help books and SR I am learning to be humble and own my mistakes. Also it seems very very difficult but indifference towards them is possible. Forgiveness is possible. And funnily enough once I started working on letting go of him and letting go of her and letting go of my resentments with my father and letting go of the old me, I no longer run into this XABF or his GF even when we still work in the same place, we even stopped working closely altogether and it also a small city.

I went NO CONTACT with him and his friends and anyone who knew him. I felt and feel lonely at times. But I got 2 cats and started to nurture the few REAL friendships I got and its all I need. I am starting to see I was acting out very old pains of mine. But I also got intelligence and the tools to grow from it. If I could do it anyone can, I am the Codie Queen!! take care and remember the HALT RULE - Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Scan yourself several times a day and so something about it. Eat well . Sleep well. Take deep breaths. This too shall pass. Many here went or are going through the same. I can say most of us feel much better after some time and inner work. It gets much better than this. The freedom and peace you seek is already within you. This is a harsh lesson but once you move on from this you will be much stronger and wiser and it all will be a passing thought.

Also if you like to torture yourself thinking he is happy, remember no one that abuses a substance is happy even if they insist, deep down they are hurting and life has a way of giving them all the consequences of their actions (I believe in karma). I tend to think alkies look for other alkies and then they also learn how it feels like to have an addict next to you capable of so much hurt and often, all kinds of abuse. Many don't come out from that cycle alive and you did. There is absolutely NOTHING to envy there.

Hugs!!
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