I can identify so much with your post. I can feel the exhaustion and heart ache in your words.
It is extremely difficult to parent with an alcoholic. It is a confusing life for a child. It teaches them a lot of the wrong lessons. I was sooo determined to have my kids grow up in the ideal 2 parent family that I was blind to how the dysfunction (his and mine) was affecting them. I read somewhere that 'it is better to come from a broken home then live within one.' That made me stop and think.
I had a picture in my head of what my happy ending looked like and I tried to *make* that happen. I ignored, denied, enabled, controlled, worked around, persisted, etc. etc. doggedly pursuing my happy ending. It denied reality. It made me feel like I was losing my mind.
I now believe that happy endings come from taking care of and being true to ourselves and from doing the next right thing while letting go of the outcome. I was so afraid to let go of the outcome. The next right thing will lead to happiness, it just might not look like what we had pictured.
Alanon and a book by Melody Beattie called Co Dependent No More really helped me when I was in the same spot you are in.
Wishing you the best and I'm glad you found SR. It has been such a gift to me. Keep posting.