Hi Rhode-welcome to SR. It really is a fantastic place and I have learned so much here.
I am an ACoA and yes, it impacted me greatly. My mom was a 1/2 to full bottle a day scotch drinker--but never until after 5:00 so in her eyes she had no problem--sure. . .
I married 2 alcoholics and I have divorced 2 alcoholics. Until I came here I was a raging codependent. I really did not know what normal was. I would ask questions and people would pull things out of my post--and I would read it and suddenly a light bulb would go off and I would realize nope, that is not a normal reaction. We accept the unacceptable and try our hardest to control the chaos that is going on around us. It is like trying to catch running water in your hands-you can't. It just slips through.
It is hard when you have kids because you feel like if you leave you will be taking your children's mom (in my case dad) away. As people pointed out to me--he is still around. You are not taking them away. You are making them safe.
For me leaving was the only option. xah did occasionally admit he had a problem but he was unwilling to give up his first love-alcohol (well drugs too). My oldest son would cry and ask me why he would just not stop. Didn't he love them enough. Well, when you are an active alcoholic that always comes first. But since the divorce xah has gotten better around the kids. If he is drinking it is minimal (my oldest watches him like a hawk because he is hyper-vigilant). My life is pretty normal now. I am living peacefully with my children in my own house. I am working on my own codependency stuff. The kids live someplace that does not require them to tiptoe around.
Would I have chosen divorce. No. But nothing was changing and when I started to see some of the things I used to do as a child in my own kids it scared me. Also, we really were living in an unacceptable situation. Me and my kids deserve better. So do you and yours.
If no one has recommended it maybe hit the library and check out Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. Although my situation was not as extreme as hers--I recognized myself and realized what I am. It is hard to think clearly when you are in the middle of a crazy situation and are codependent.
Have you found an AlAnon meeting? That may be helpful.
Keep posting. There are very wise and knowledgeable people here.