It might be clearer to pose this question differently.
If your wife were a complete stranger:
Would you try to keep this stranger in your household and control this stranger's life in these ways, or remove this stranger from your vicinity while they behaved in such a manner?
Would you give this stranger access to the inside of your home, your bank accounts, your children, knowing they are chugging hard liquor?
Would you hire this stranger to babysit? Drive your children around?
Would you co-sign a loan to this stranger? Extend them onto your auto insurance?
Would you invite them to live in your spare room, on the chance they would change?
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Food for thought.
CLMI