Can I FORCE my AW to quit?
Hi,
I'm new at the forum - and would welcome your comments
My wife drinks half a bottle to a bottle of hard liquor almost every day – much of it during the morning and early afternoon when she is alone at home. She’s built a high tolerance and manages to function reasonably OK while drunk. She takes care of the kids (4 and 5 y.o.) when they return from day care, cooks, cleans the house, and occasionally makes a sporadic effort to find a job. She is a good person, but clearly in a self destructive spiral and half the person she could have been.
We talk about her problem from time to time. She knows and readily admits that she is an Alcoholic, and often promises to control it – but only to continue as usual the next day. She did go to AA a couple times (but says she didn’t like it) and managed to stay dry for a several days on a few occasions – but then reverts back to old habits.
So far I’ve only tried soft persuasion in all its forms, with at most non-specific comments like “if you don’t quit – we’ll end up divorcing”.
Now, after 2-3 years of this, and with the children soon to catch on (BTW – at what age would they understand that mommy has a problem?), I believe that I am not doing her any favor by not coming on stronger.
I’m thinking of giving her a hard choice:
“Either we divorce now OR you let me essentially control your life until YOU regain control”
The second option would mean that
I would take away her bank card – so she will not have the ready cash to buy the booze
I would bring a breathalyzer home and monitor her. I she fails the test I would impose a “punishment” (for example – demand that she then and there do some unpleasant chore around the house).
I would provide an activity schedule for her to do every day, and call home several times a day to make sure she does what I asked her to do (e.g. for example – spend a solid couple hours on the internet to look for work, or spend sober quality time with the children).
Now here is where I’d like your comments – obviously, my demands would be controlling and unreasonable under normal circumstances. But given the current situation – would I be out of line taking control of her life? Would it likely to succed?