myernie

I just wanted to say hi to everyone. I come on and read everyday and it has been helping me so much. Freedom, for your support in the beginning I am forever grateful!

The addict in my life is now my XABF!! That is a big step and something I never thought I would say. After almost 7 years I am finally starting to see that I need to move on. I love him, I care about him but he will not change until he is ready and that is not now. He is scrapping along the bottom and I have always been there to bail him out somehow. He went from a man with a VERY good job, a house, a few cars, a motorcycle, wonderful children to a man with literally nothing. Last I heard last week he was driving a 4 wheeler that he stole from his dealer's house. I'm sure that will win him the next score! He is homeless right now and staying here and there wherever he can, has no job and no hope of one around here. He has had 2 vehicles repoed, a house foreclosed on, fired from 3 jobs the last 6 months. He has nothing and it makes me sad. It breaks my heart to know what he went from to where he is now all because of this but I have to worry about me. I can be sad, disappointed, miss him but I have to take care of me and my children.

I still struggle with "wanting to win" (see another thread) and I have many conversations in my head with him a day of what I want to say but I won't. I have seen him 4 times since Thanksgiving and I am trying to be detached. It is slowly working. He is no longer consuming all my thoughts, still a lot but not all. I can actually have fun and not think about him. I am planning on going to my sister's house for several days over Christmas which I never would have done 2 months ago, or even a month ago, just in case he needed something.

Thank you everyone here for your support, for sharing your stories, your insights and letting us all know we are not alone!