Gradually over time, I gave credence to his assessments of me as valid. I blamed myself for things, trying to be empathetic and see things from his perspective and etc. My mother was very critical and judgemental too.
I spent over two years working through that confusion. I couldn't understand what had happened. What had happened to me. Nor what to think about any of it?
He was a smart man and he could twist things so well that it really warped my handle on myself and my reality and what other's really did think? Maybe I had just not had a clue before of the way other's view things? Maybe I need to develop my awareness and be more open minded?
To make it worse, he really did believe some of his own really warped thinking. It was real to him.
It wasn't just the overt abusive things...he had a whole other viewpoint of so many things. He saw them differently than I did. Things I might think entirely harmless, he considered me to be acting thoughtlessly, selfishly, inconsiderately. He would claim to be hurt by it.
And there is the phenomon of "shifting sands"..every time you think you know and understand where things stand and what he wants and etc..it changes.
I have read many times that Confusion is the hallmark telltale sign of abuse. Emotional, mental and others.
I was so confused I couldn't think clearly about anything anymore. I questioned every motive, every action.
It is the effects of abuse. I am never going to fully understand.
But I have a far better idea of normal now. and there is no room for abuse in it.