Crystal, you wrote "I feel like I am overreacting to something very small in terms of the big picture, but I am so tired of being lied to." The concerns and questions you are asking are very relevant for you! While separation and possible divorce is a very emotional time, you need to approach it like a business deal and take control of the proceedings. Don't cave in because you feel overwhelmed. While you may feel shaky right now, taking control of your separation and possible divorce will make you a stronger person.
The most important thing you need to do is accept responsibility for the outcome of your separation and possible divorce. A woman's standard of living generally drops at least 30% after a divorce, the decisions that you make now can have a considerable effect on your future.
Ordinarily, the money in a joint bank account belongs to both people named on the account. That is, if you are placing money into the account, your spouse may have a legal right to withdraw all of that money even if you are separated. If your name appears on a lease or mortgage for the residence where your spouse will live, you will remain liable for payments. Similarly, if you continue to share joint credit accounts, including credit cards, or your name appears on any utility bills (phone, gas, electrical, etc.) you will ordinarily be liable for any debt incurred by your spouse even after separation. It is thus wise to separate your finances, and to obtain credit cards and bank accounts in the individual names of each spouse, as part of the separation process.
If you and your husband took out loans(s) to pay off high interest credit card debt and the items purchased were for his personal use or benefit, then he should be responsible enough to pay his debt. The fact you are separated does not relinquish his responsibility from having to pay this, but the fact the loan is, also, in your name does not relinquish your responsibility either. While you did not mention the type of loans the two of you have, generally speaking you cannot remove one party from a debt obligation unless the debt is re-structured in some way.
If you feel your husband cannot or will not be a responsible adult and pay his debt obligations, I would suggest you seek outside help to draft an agreement outlining each others responsibilities. If you are not working with an attorney already, another option is to use mediation. In mediation, both parties meet voluntarily to discuss the issues which brought you there. If you and your husband reach an agreement, the mediators can help you put that agreement into writing. Any agreement reached carries the same weight as if ordered by the court. One benefit of mediation is any agreement reached is your own and not dictated to you by someone else to you. People tend to honor agreements they make themselves.
Separation and divorce and money issues are ultimately tied together. Not only will you have to split the assets and debts during the separation and divorce, but you will have to figure out how to survive financially afterwards. After the big split, many people find themselves maintaining the same household on greatly reduced resources. On top of that, they have had to take on a higher portion of the debts to insure that they were paid. Unfortunately, what was manageable while they were married soon became the ultimate juggling act as they try to pay bills before their due date.
Many divorced people find their credit in shambles in the months and years after their divorce. And while it's true that most people are able to financially bounce back after their divorce, their credit scores don't tend to rebound near as quickly. A credit score can affect your life in many ways. A credit score is determined by how you've paid debts in the past, a poor score indicates that you may not pay your rent or mortgage on time. Your score may, also, determine how big a deposit you will have to pay for telephone, electricity or natural gas service. Credit scores affect whether you get credit extended to you, and how much you will pay for credit cards, auto loans, mortgages and other kinds of debt. Overall, a higher score means that you will be more likely to be approved for and pay a lower interest rate on new credit accounts that you open. In the end, having a good credit score will make your financial dealings a lot easier and can save you money in lower interest rates.
The above is by no means professional advice. It is just my personal opinion. Take what you like and leave the rest!
Love and Peace,
Phoenix