Long before I ever met my ex, I did a training course that had some stuff from Brian Tracy in it. Man, I wish I had paid more attention. There was a whole section on responsibility in it. He broke it down into "the ability to respond". There is always the time to put a pause in an interaction and then chose how we respond to the stimulus. I try to remember that now.....
golden, have you ever had any therapy or the like to address how your mother behaved towards you?