Great post Freya, thanks.
There are a couple of women in my home group that have stayed, IMO they are coping. I couldn't do it, there are not enough tools in Alanon for that, for me. Active alcoholism under my roof made me bat sh!t crazy. My serenity is too valuable.
We have a child, so I use a form of NC, kind of a limited to kid stuff only NC. She's still active and possesses many of the skills lillamy's x has. Even though we've been divorced for 5 years, I'm still vulnerable. She's good.
Lately I've been allowing a little chit chat, letting my guard down. She mentioned her volunteering at a womans shelter a few weeks ago, I thought "wow, maybe her last brush with death has had a positive influence on her". Now she hasn't failed to mention it every time we speak.........hum. I feel a manipulation coming on.
Back to minimal contact for me. Real recovery is obvious, this isn't it.
I trust my gut feelings these days, it's always dead on. I just have to remember to listen.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote