Most of the relationship books I've read and all of what I've learned in Al-anon is to begin these types of conversations (when the A is not drunk) with the statement "When this happens, I feel..." Making it about the feelings and not about accusing is a great opener. You may have done that and still feel that it's not working for you, but that may mean that your A is unable to communicate in reality because of his addiction. That happens a lot in our situation, too.
Hang in there!