freya

(emphasis added)

I guess, really, it depends if you want to settle for a life of "coping."

Personally, I do not settle for "coping."

And, truthfully, when I welcome a newcomer to my homegroup, I always edit that part about the C's. What I say -- and what I know based on my own experience -- is that: "We didn't Cause this disease, we can't Control it, and we can't Cure it, but in Al-Anon we can learn to Cope, and we can learn that we have Choices and that we can make Changes that allow us to live happy, joyous and free lives, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not and whether the alcoholic is still in our lives or not."

No contact has been helpful for me when I truly realize and accept the fact that I deserve and can have a-whole-lot more than a life of "coping."

I know with absolute certainty that my Higher Power does not want me to settle for "coping"; He wants me to live happy, joyous and free.

My HP does not channel me power and energy so that I can "spend" those precious gifts on keeping myself sane and un-miserable (which is very, very different from and much, much less than happy, joyous and free) whilst choosing to remain in close contact with active addiction -- or with deep-seated dysfunction of any kind.

My HP does not want me to put my life (or my recovery) on hold whilst I live in the fantasy of recovery for someone who shows no true interest in, let alone any action toward, his/her own recovery.

There is a very, very true saying in Program: You're either growing or you're going.

I am growing, and I fully intend to continue growing.....There is only so far that I can grow and remain in relationship with someone who is "going," because the simple fact is that, the more I grow and the more that person "goes," the further apart we become (emotionally and spiritually) and eventually we become so far apart that we cannot possibly be "together" in any true or honest sense. (....and, yeah, there's also that very inconvenient fact that the quality of my recovery very much depends on my commitment to rigorous honesty!)

....and that's the point at which "no contact" often becomes necessary for me.

I can still love the person; and I can still pray for him/her; and I can hope for all of the best in health, healing and happiness for him/her.....but none of that means that I have to provide an audience for his/her self-destruction....and, in fact, it is far easier and far less painful for me when I don't.

freya