your counselor was right. he was trying to throw his guilt for being a jerk onto you. that is what they do. and as the codie we take it up as ours. say what you mean, and mean what you say, but just don't say it meanly.
it is harder for them to really throw it back at us as long as when we express what is bugging us we use our phrases with just "I" and no "you". it gets easier the more one consciously does it. hope this helps