Originally Posted by
JW123 
Thanks LaTeeDa but is one not supposed to depend on your husband or SO in a relationship and have some sort of dependence? Sorry I keep bringing this up but i want to understand it. When i married, I expected committment and so depended on my Husband. Being in any relationship, for me needs a degree of dependance surely? Or maybe i have it all wrong?
Once again, it's not all-or-nothing, black-or-white. There is healthy
interdepedence and there is unhealthy
codependence. As I see it, the main difference is boundaries, or not having a clear definition of where oneself ends and the other begins. To use an analogy, if the relationship is your sustenance, your dinner, that is unhealthy. If it is your treat, your dessert, it is healthy. Relationships are an enhancement to an otherwise whole and fulfilling life, not a necessity just to have a whole and fulfilling life.
It's also about roles and expectations. To expect someone who is a husband (role) to be dependable is perfectly natural. To expect someone (my XAH) to be dependable simply because I cast him in the role of husband is irrational. It's up to me then to either change my expectations of the role, or remove him from it. I cannot make someone perform to my expectations simply because I have them.
L