Originally Posted by
JW123 
Take my children. They depend on me, but to a degree I source my happiness from them. When they are happy, I am happy. I want to be with them, to be there for them, to help them, to pick them up when they fall. Does that make me co-dependent?
I would say it depends. Can you still be happy, even when they are not? Can you feel good about yourself even in those times when your children are struggling? Enjoying shared happiness with those you love is beautiful. Depending on others to "make" you happy is codependent, and not so different from an alcoholic depending on alcohol.
Originally Posted by
JW123 I am in therapy and I asked my therapist the same question "what is wrong with me that I cant leave ABF" "What was wrong with me that I fought so hard for my marriage when I knew he was in love with her" - I fought for 2 LONG years - he left anyway - my therapist said " it is because you love unconditionally".
This is just my opinion, but I disagree with the therapist on this. I believe that loving unconditionally also includes the ability to let go. Clinging to someone who wants to leave is not unconditional love--it's dependence. I have experienced the inability to let go and it was not healthy or good for me. It hurt me tremendously. I had to learn that just because I don't get what I think I want, doesn't mean there is something wrong with me. It doesn't mean I have "failed." It only means that there is something different in store for me. Acceptance has been the most difficult AND the most rewarding lesson I have learned in life.
L