Are there any other options anyone can think of?
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
I spent a wonderful New Year's Eve once with my younger A bro. There was no tension or turning these kinds of questions over and over in my mind because we just did something totally different - instead of meeting at one of the many usual NY's Eve parties thrown every year by family & friends we went and did First Night in Boston. It was freezing, we bundled up, brought big thermoses of hot chocolate and coffee and we walked around the city and saw all the celebrations.
Had we done the same old things, well, then the same old things and feelings would have surfaced for me.
I do not want him drinking around me or my son.
But that doesn't mean he won't drink. You're separated because he is drinking - yet you're going to a NY Eve party w/ a full bar? Accept that he will drink there. Accept that alcoholics get drunk! Because that's the most likely outcome right? I sometimes struggle with sabotaging my own peace of mind by creating resentments. For me, this scenario is a a huge resentment waiting to happen.
Will it mean something to you if he only gets tipsy? iI he doesn't drink at all? I mean, are you monitoring his intake and then reacting?? Like will you take it as a positive sign for the relationship if he only gets tipsy or barely drinks or doesn't drink, on this one public night?
That's a whole slippery slope for me! Cuz I would be putting all the cards in the As hands, and yet anxiously expecting to be dealt a royal flush! If I was strong enough in my codie recovery to go to the party and let myself have a have a good time, regardless of his drinking or not drinking, then I would go.
Peace-
B