It is a question that plagues us alcoholics also...read through the New To Recovery forum or the Alcoholism forum. Chronic relapsers begging to know the answer to that question for themselves...Why can't I quit? And these are the folks seeking recovery. There are a lot more who don't ask or just don't want to quit. I hope the person you care about so much learns to care about himself and seeks the help he needs. It isn't easy. I drank for years and never gave a thought to it, never thought it was a problem. Then for a number of years thought I might be drinking too much. But didn't quit. Then for a couple of years I knew I had a problem because I could see it was getting worse. Seems recovery can be as progressive as a drinking problem can be.
Now I'm sober and here on SR hoping to stay that way.
Do you think if your BF read through some of these threads he might see himself and his drinking in our stories? Maybe not. Not until he's ready to admit he's got a problem, I'd think.
Wishing you the best,
Carl