Thank you!!!
I have wonderful news!
We had our family meeting at the treatment center today.
Our son was diagnosed with depression and is now on antidepressants.
He was a totally different person than he's been for the past few months - more like himself. More like the kid we knew.
He's got a plan and we have the support to carry the plan forward - and he's excited about it. He's going to continue on with the court mandated program and NA meetings plus he has an outpatient counsellor (that he really likes) plus a doctor to help him manage his medication. We will also start family counselling. He's intent on building a case for himself to move past his legal problems.
We brought him home and had a meeting regarding house rules. Together, we came up with rules we felt were acceptable to both him and us regarding use of the car, communicating with us, friends in the house etc. In addition to the rules, we have two statements:
1) We are your family (parents). We love you and our actions will always be with your best interests in mind.
2) No matter where you are, or what time it is, if you are in a situation that is tempting you or is not a good situation for you to be in, you can call us and we will come and get you.
HE told us his program was now his responsibility. He gets to his meetings. He keeps records of his meetings. He arranges for his community service. He keeps his appointments with his counsellors. It is all up to him now.
He said that when we drove him to the treatment center, he knew he didn't have to go in. His intention was to refuse to sign himself in, then tell them he wasn't going home with us. But, he said for some reason he just decided at the last second to sign in - he didn't know why. But he was so mad at us that he wanted to kill us. He said he remembered looking at the wall and thinking - I want to hurt the people who brought me into this world and took care of me. This is exactly where I need to be.
They figure that his depression was actually CAUSED by the marijuana. That caused him to lose interest in his school work etc. which brought on falling grades which caused me to get on his case, which exacerbated the depression, which caused him to smoke more, which threw him farther into depression and so on and so on.
So, we have to address our part of his depression, which is to keep our home calm, stop the yelling etc. He stops the marijuana which was also contributing to his depression. Alcohol is also out because it is contraindicated with his antidepressant med.
HE TOLD US WE DID THE RIGHT THING!!!
He said calling the police would have killed him, taken away all hope. Throwing him out would have kept him on the path with no help - and would have ended up killing him as well. He feels better already. Was awake at 7:00 the past couple of days. Feels rested and energetic. Now that he knows what was wrong - he doesn't want to feel like that again.
We have work to do - lots of it. But I heard lots of good things, more than I even thought I would hear.
(The counsellor at the hospital said he was an intelligent, sensitive and thoughtful young man and they could see why we believed in a bright future for him.)
As for me, I need Alanon or my kid is going to move on without me - thank God!