It's all about the serenity. . .
My daughter is away with my family this whole week. I have a lot of free time so I decided I'm going to go to as many Alanon/CODA/FA meetings as I can. Yes, I am one of those people who has made all the excuses in the world as to why Alanon just "isn't for me."
A few months ago, I went to my first Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting. It was a disaster (very disappointing). First of all, the person who was supposed to open the room came late, forgot the key, etc. And once the meeting started late, I wasn't quite feeling the energy. I reverted to my, "Yep. I don't think Alanon is for me" thinking.
Today, I went back to that same Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting with an open mind. It was a great meeting! I got so much out of it! I was feeling the ESH from people there and lots of peace, calm & serenity. I'm not one who is really into "God" (though I do have my own concept of "Higher Powers"). I can understand the criticism --though I don't quite agree-- about how people in twelve-step programs seem very "cult-like."
I recall a counselor at one of my husband's Intensive Outpatient Program tell one of the alcoholics/addicts during a family group session that unless the alcoholic/addict has tried & rigorously worked a 12-step program --and then if it didn't work--, he wasn't going to accept their criticism of AA & NA. I remember listening carefully because I could relate to those who questioned & resisted 12-step programs. Basically, why knock something we haven't tried? (I don't think the counselor meant, "try" as in go to a meeting or two but really work all 12-steps rigorously with a sponsor many times over).
I don't follow (or work) the 12-steps. I'll read them, maybe even pick and choose one or two to examine in a very general way. I don't have a sponsor. I don't go to regular meetings.
In addition to being so deeply affected by the alcoholism/addiction of my loved ones, I have also been trained to question, problematize, and critique everything so it's easy to start questioning Alanon's validity and effectiveness.
I realize that Alanon and 12-steps in general may not be the recovery method/program for everyone. People are different with unique, specific issues. However, I have seen enough people both addicts and the "friends & family of addicts," who have been helped tremendously by their 12-step programs. That is good enough for me. I'm going to try and go to one meeting (or two) per evening this whole week.
In the end, it's all about working at achieving continued serenity in my life.