I just had this very conversation with an Alanon friend yesterday.
NOBODY, with the exception of SR and Alanon, gets it when we try to share what's REALLY going on at home with active alcoholism (if he is not working a program of recovery he is just "dry". Many would agree that "dry" is worse that wet).
If I have not actually lived with active alcoholism, I DO NOT have the capacity to understand or to "get it".
I can still remember the frustration of trying to "explain myself" and my actions to my in-laws. It was an exercise in futility. I had to detach and I took CatsPajama's signature line to heart, "What other people think of me is really none of my business".
You are FINALLY beginning to take care of yourself, this is a good thing for YOU. To them, you are upsetting the apple cart. The rest of the players in this alcoholic dynamic are pulling out all the stops in an effort to manipulate you, to maintain the all important "status quo".
Remember, THIS IS A FAMILY DISEASE, it effects everyone involved. My priorities are myself and my daughter, in that order. Everyone else is next. If "they" don't like it, eff 'em.
Oh, and you STILL not getting any rest even though he is out, is exactly the out come he intended with his actions. You are still responding to his nonsense. This is an excellent opportunity for you to practice some new skills. BTW, I kept responding to my axw's stuff for a long time, so I'm not dissing you. Just trying to point out the obvious.
Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote
PS If he is relapsing, it's NOT your problem, unless you just have too much serenity, and need a little chaos in your life.