Old 12-08-2010, 10:23 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Buffalo66
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
I think he is relapsing right this minute. I want to die.

I had to turn on my phone to use for the alarm. A is pretty definitely out there drinking. I think he may even be sick from it. He called twice, I answered to make it stop. He said what am I supposed to do now?

I said, you made the choice to leave 'for good', you made the choice to go somewhere in your car. I cannot tell you what to do.
I asked if he was drunk, he said no. He said he went to a meeting. I do not believe him, but especially since he wont answer now, which means he is probably in a bar.

HIs mother apparently would not let him come there. She is 56 years old, is super close with my son, but since A came out of rehab, she has been acting very volatile, erratic, and resentful toward me.
Tonight she flamed me publicly on FB!!!
She wrote four statuses, all directed at me calling me selfish and childish, for throwing him out.
She finally IMed me, after not responding to calls. She was irate, berating me for being a child...Said I was selfish and petty. No one asks a man to sleep somewhere else because they are having trouble sleeping.
She simplified it, said she can see who I am now, and she can see my M.O., that I throw him out each time I dont get my way.
This woman used to be my greatest ally. Its as if him getting sober has shifted her dynamic with me, and she cannot tolerate me having a stand.

Here is the clincher...She went so far as to accuse me of using tactics to get pity. I was fine with that until she said, "next thing you know you will be bringing up your incest thing..."

I was stunned. I only ever mentioned it to her once, it was not in a way to elicit pity. I hardly ever talk about it at all. She was on a rampage. It was nuts. She sent a mild apology text, but then said, "but you do do that..and you are wrong now"

I tried to tell her I need a break, and she said resentment is normal, but a "break" Is ridiculous. She said grown adults dont get to take breaks.

He is now accusing me of asking him to leave so I can be with another man.

It is so nuts. He says everyone he talks to says I am crazy for expecting him to accept going somewhere else for a few days.

He cannot see that I was only trying to take my anxiety and anger down a notch and get some needed rest.

I cannot be there for him or for our son if I am not on top.

BTW, his mother used to beat them. She has mellowed, often would tell me she admires how I parent, how I take time to feel OK myself. She always says that she was not that strong, and took out her resentment on her kids. Now she is a raging maniac. maybe menopause?

He now says he is not drinking, and he wont. He says he is done. He says he will see me in custody court, and he expects to see his son in the next few days.

He says I am ruining our sons life by removing his daddy.

I did not remove him. I just asked for some time for me.

This is a nightmare. His mother was always a great support to my son and I.
I dont know if I even want to talk to her again, and they are all seeming nuts to me..Him, her, the brothers, his friends. I feel so alone in my choice. My family isnt really there for me.

My friends are on my side, but...It is still tough to stand tall and know what I know in the face of so much attack.

NO, I am not resting. NO, I am not calm.

I feel sad that I put him out there when he has been trying so hard, with our son, and staying sober. MAybe I am just really intolerant?

No...its been 10 years, 6 with son..I stood by, waited. I gave a lot. I let him come home...on terms.

He is acting crazy and extreme.

grrr
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