"Typical" A Behavior?
Maybe some of the folks here could shed some light on the following situation.
The other night my W was laying into our teenage son about his grades (I'm sure that's typical in all families). She went into her usual rant... "Your father and I are working so hard to pay for this outstanding school that you're going to and you just can't seem to be bothered to even turn in work you've already done! And after all we do for you...!" He responded with, "Why do you always play the VICTIM?!"
When I heard this, I came into the room and sat down. She even got snippy with me when I made any comments.
Later that night she went off on me saying that she just didn't feel that I had her back. I'm her husband and she's my wife so I must always be there to back her up.
I told her that I didn't see it that way. The way I saw it, she went after him and he responded to her. I thought that this was really between the two of them (they're both quite similar).
As I'm sure anyone with kids understands, it's very important to present a 'united front' in dealing with kids. My wife thinks that, because I'm her husband, I must back her up in any confrontation she decides to start.
In the past, I was so terrified of her wrath that I would just stand behind her and back her up on anything she said. I consider some of these times to be low points in my life. My son once yelled at me by saying that I'm just her 'yes man' who does whatever she says. He was right!
I was actually proud of my son for holding his own and standing up for himself. I also think that kids need to practice conflict resolution and boundary setting (usually with their parents) before going out into the world where the stakes are higher.
Maybe my not getting involved in this incident was my way of detaching from her issues. Maybe she was trying to drag me into her drama.
I would really appreciate any insight you could give me.
Thanks!