Wow, thank you so much for the long and meaningful reply, both of you.
First of all, I do think some of it is my fault... to a degree. She says my dad and I never help her out to do anything. However, my dad really can't and I try my hardest to stay away from this house. She says I never say I love you to her or give her any compassion. But I ask myself why she deserves to receive any love and compassion from me? All she has done my entire life is emotionally damage me. I was the parent, cleaning soiled sheets, driving her home drunk, watching over her incase she drank herself to death. I feel that I could do more, but does she deserve it?
I didn't realize my age would awe you guys. I am, already at this young age, totally incapable of dealing with this anymore. My father is helpless and my mom is still around because of money issues. I am almost through with college, but until I graduate I have to stay home. I make straight A's at the University of Memphis, and I'm afraid if I get a job my grades will slip. I tried telling my dad I needed some help to move out, because I cannot mentally deal with her. I've told him this multiple times--PLEASE, if you can't leave her, please help me get away. He says he can't afford it and brushes me off. We are all miserable and trapped in this house in our own ways. My dad just can't leave her--he will try, threaten it, but in the end never does. She won't leave to do her own thing because she wants more money. I am stuck in the middle, innocent and trapped, more so than any one else in the equation.
It hurts to not have a mother. I have no extended family to talk to, no siblings, just my boyfriend and he doesn't understand. My boyfriend's family is reminiscent of a dream to me: Parents happily dating since high school, have family functions, go out to eat together, go on vacations, have friends and families over, even something as simple as watching TV together NEVER happens in my house. I try to spend time with them, but going home is dreadful.
I honestly think my dad is in denial just as much as my mother. Is there anything you guys could suggest for me to do to try to open his eyes?