atdawn this is how I met Mr. X. With 2 kids I have most of the time and friends who have given it a try with some success--I thought what the heck. And yes--there were a lot of really annoying whack jobs out there. I needed to weed through and delete stuff. Really, why would I want to respond to some guy who live 1000 miles away and is looking for a woman 30 years younger than him up to one year older than him?
I think what appealed to me about Mr. X was he shot me a quick email and asked if I wanted to meet for coffee and after I looked at his profile we seemed to be interested in the same things and politically aligned (which is important for me). Also he was not looking for romance--just someone to hang with and if it turned into something-fine. If not, it still would be nice to meet some people.
I agree-tell no one anything personal about yourself. Mr. X and I have been seeing each other for about 10 weeks. During that time we had coffee at an outdoor cafe, took our dogs to a very busy dog park twice and talked on the phone. Neither of us gave the other any personal information. No last name. We did exchange phone numbers after we met at the dog park. Still, no addresses, no email addresses and very little information about kids aside from the fact that we had them and how often.
About 2 weeks into it Mr. X disappeared and I was told by one of my friend that is not unusual. I thought--OK, no big deal. I liked him. He was a nice guy and I had fun with him but something did not click for him or maybe he is looking for more than I can offer. 2 weeks later he gave me a call and asked if I wanted to take the dogs to the dog park again. I thought-sure. It's warm out. We talked some more. Then got together that night for dinner-which felt awkward. But at the end of it he asked if I might want to go out during the week when xah had the kids. So we did and that is when I asked him why he disappeared for 2 weeks--and, gasp. He was honest.
He told me he liked me but was having a real problem with the fact that I have 2 young kids and that they are with me the majority of the time so he knew he was going to have to take a major back seat IF we decided we liked each other and wanted to pursue a relationship. I asked him why he changed his mind and he said he liked hanging out with me. We have fun when we are together and we laugh a lot when we are together. He thought that was more important and that we would get together when it worked for both of us. He also said that he knew that if we had plans and his daugher called and asked to get together (he does not see her as often as he would like) and he called me up to cancel our plans that I would not get upset.
So I guess--there was at least one decent soul I met and I have "seen" other people who I would get to know if I chose to but I don't have time. Also, about a week ago Mr. X and I decided we would not "date" anyone else (that was right around the time he asked me to go to his daughter's dance recital and before we became friends with benefits
)
But I will say, the first time I signed on it was weird. My friends told me it was because "I was fresh meat". So just like the rest of the world--there will be slime bags out there and there will be nice guys out there. I almost removed myself the first night because I was getting really annoyed.
Just take your time and if you find you are not interested just say no. But always meet in very public places until you really know the person. Being the investigator I am I actually did a CCAP on Mr. X and checked other legal records when I started to think I was interested in seeing him.