Old 12-07-2010, 04:33 AM
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Phoenixthebird
Rising from the Ashes
 
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Republic of Texas
Posts: 451
Living in a Time Bomb--Need Advice--Before It Explodes!

This thread is a continuance of my previous thread entitled "When Adult Children Become The Parents!" It feels like my situation keeps deteriorating. I'm not sure if my dry drunk husband has suffered a fractured neck or a pinched nerve in his neck. However, he's not handling the pain very well. I'm pretty sure a lot of it he's dramazating just for attention. He's always felt like he should be the focus point of our family. He's been to the military hospitals and to his primary care provider here in town and he believes they are not treating him properly. I don't know what to think!

He's being very difficult to be around. I'm trying very hard to keep my mouth shut because it seems everything I say will set him off. Goodness knows, keeping a codependent's mouth shut is not an easy task! (LOL) My 19 year old son (grandson) can be a handful, even on a good day! My DDH has never been a good role model for him. There has always been a lot of animosity between my DDH and my 19 year old. My 35 year old son and I are doing the best we can to keep these two apart. We both fear their animosity could lead to a physical fight.

I have contacted my DDH's psychriatrist, and now I was able to contact the doctor treating his neck. I had previously posted that I'm afraid my DDH is suffering from some type of dementia. His personality has been in a downwards spiral ever since I suffered my massive stroke. However, nothing that I have tried to get help has not been successful. Everything that I have tried to do to get help seems like it has backfired on me!

My current attempt to try to get some help was to contact the Texas Department of Family and Protective Services. My email to them and their response is posted below. Since everything that I have tried in the past seems to have backfired on me, I'm scared of doing anything!

To: Office of Consumer Affairs

Subject: Need Assistance

Message:
I a 58 year old female currently in a 39 year marriage. I suffered a life changing massive stroke in DEC 2009. From DEC 23rd until JAN 8th I suffered from vascular dementia. I was then transferred to the Warm Springs Rehab Hospital for another two weeks before my discharge to my house. I have suffered immobility problems and can not move around very easy without my power chair.

When I came home the only member of my family I could rely upon was my 35 year old son. I begged my husband on several occasions to take time off from work to help arrange my house so I could maneaver around. He just didn't listen! I had the services of ----- Care Inhome Care Services. However, I had these services discontinued because I was to embarrassed to having anyone come into my house.

I made a self-referral to the TDPS, and S----- M------- T------- made a home study. The last thing I heard her say was that she was going to keep my case open, and she would talk to my husband. This never happened, and I certainly don't want her services any longer! Then to complicate my situation even further add in a 19 year old grandson in our house. My grandson has become a handful. He needs to have anger management therapy. My daughter, his mother, completed suicide May 16, 1995. She suffered from schizo-effective disorder. I'm afraid he might have inherited some of her traits.

Now fast forward to the present time! My husband's and my relationship has continued to deteriorate. We had a fight last Wednesday night and he ended up spending the night at a Motel 6 here in town. Somehow he managed to fall in the shower and ended up fracturing his neck. I realize he's in pain, but everyone in the house has to walk on eggshells. One of my major concerns is trying to keep my grandson and my husband apart. I have to try to keep my mouth shut because anything that I might say will set him off.

It's like a bomb waiting to explode! I'm at my wits end! Anything that I have tried seems to have backfired. I've talked to my husband's psychriatrist, and now I was able to contact the doctor treating his fractured neck. However, now he talks about these doctors with resentment and anger. I'm pretty sure my husband doesn't know that I originally talked to the doctors first. I JUST don't know what to do! Any help would be appreciated. Please email me because he monitors all the phone calls coming into the house.

ANSWER:
This information sounds concerning; however, you did not include any specific locating information in your e-mail. Please call our hotline at 1-800-252-5400 if you are able to so an intake worker can discuss these issues with you and let you know how our agency can help. The hotline is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You can also use our online reporting site at https://www.txabusehotline.org if you are unable to call us. Please contact 9-1-1 if you believe anyone is in immediate danger.

Now I'm asking for any words of advice or encouragement from my friends here on SR. Any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated!

Thank You!
Phoenix
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