He's sober, but still lying
My husband is newly sober, he just got out of rehab and collected his 2 month chip. Long story short, he also cheated on me for 6 months before he went to rehab, and the deception and lies around that issue were so damaging to me that I am traumatized and scared he will keep lying to me. Obviously, anyone who has lived or loved an addict has felt the sting and upheaval of lies; it's like the rug gets pulled out from under you over and over and over. Well, I was about to get off the rug - and leave - but then, he went to rehab and got sober, and now, I'm tentatively stepping near the rug; trusting slowly that he won't pull it again. Boy, it is risky business. For example, I know that he told his dad about the cheating, because I saw an email he wrote to him mentioning it. He didn't know that I knew. Today, after a long conversation about how he was done with lying and committed to honesty, I asked, "Does anyone in your family know about the cheating?" His answer, "No! Does anyone in your family know?" So I just get real quiet, and finally say, "But you don't tell me lies..." then he quickly said (as I'm leaving the room), "Well...my dad knows..." But, seriously? You're STILL lying? WTF does anything in life mean if you lie about it? I guess I was stupid to think that sobriety meant honesty. Also stupid to think I could trust again. Maybe he is just too green right now. I don't know. I just KNOW that all this second chance work we are doing with counseling and trying to save our marriage and everything WON'T WORK if he is STILL lying. How do you deal with the liars in your lives? How many chances do you give? I just don't want to get back on that rug!!!