Daughter of an Alcoholic Mother
Hello all, I'm new here, but not new to alcoholism. I am almost 20 years old, and have been living with a (used to be) high functioning, alcoholic mother.
I am an only child. My father had lymphoma when I was a baby, and could no longer have kids after his chemotherapy. Sometimes I feel like being an only child has only made the pain deeper, and I feel more alone than ever now. My mother started to drink heavily when I was in 7th grade. (I’m a junior in college now, so it’s been 8 years) At this point, I didn’t really understand. I just know my mom and dad fought a lot, and my mother acted weird.
As I got older, it got worse and I started to realize everyone else’s parents don’t drink every day. My mom would drive me and my friends around drunk, acting strangely, swerving, laughing etc. She told me it was because I was an “aweful” child during middle school and that’s why she started drinking. When I was in high school, she tried to commit suicide by overdosing on my dad’s Xanax and drinking a handle of vodka. My dad called 911 and she got her stomach pumped at the hospital. She went to an inpatient rehab for 2 weeks (as required by our insurance), but bought a case of beer on her way home.
During all these years, she never missed a day of work. She is a 5th grade teacher. This year she misses weeks at a time, finding any excuse to drink herself into a coma and sleep all day. She pees and even poops on herself. I am talking totally intoxicated. She tries to drive while she is this drunk, to go get more beer, wine, or vodka. She drinks screwdrivers on her way to work (to teach children) and is drunk by the time she gets home from work. One weekend she lost her keys while my dad was out of town, and pulled a butcher knife on me claiming I hid her keys from her. There are beer bottles hidden all over our house. I haven’t had friends over in years. My boyfriend and I are very serious and I spend large amounts of time with his family. His parents ask about mine all the time, wanting to meet them. However, my mom will show up to any meeting wasted and continue to drink even more. My mom tries to sneak alcohol out of restaurants.
She is extremely angry. Her drinking is something we aren’t allowed to talk about. She will fly off the handle and scream and curse. She told me tonight she drinks because my dad and I make her unhappy, but if she divorces my dad he wouldn’t give her all the money she wants.
I can’t handle the pain anymore. When you try to talk to her about it, she blames me and my dad, says her life sucks, and my dad and I are “selfish pieces of ****.” She sat me down and told me she wouldn’t quit drinking for my dad, her job, or for me. If that’s the case, she said she’d leave. My dad you ask? Where is he? He is suffering from a major heart disease and is bed ridden almost every day. He says he cannot leave her during her time of illness because she was there for him when he had cancer. How is this fair? Why do I have to hurt because of her?
What can I do? Is there anyone else suffering from this kind of situation?