3betrayed

I want to thank everyone for the great gift of your insight. You already know how helpful you've been or you'd not have taken the time to post. Thank you for your generous help.

JohnDelko- your posts have helped me tremendously. I believe your sincerity. I see my husband in your posts, so why not believe he, too, is sincere?

My husband is sober now, working his program, meeting with his counselor, taking his antidepressant, and taking care of his health. He has become an entirely different person in these four months. He is extremely remorseful and proves this in his actions, his demeanor and his words. He has become an attentive and present lover both outside of the bedroom and inside of the bedroom, in spite of his ED. He consistantly says and does things that make me believe what he's been saying: Had he not been drinking, the infidelity would not have occurred.

That has been hard for me to grasp because the infidelity was so severe, so progressive and so damned painful and personal. However, I am slowly awakening to the fact that the alcoholic's brain is perpetually "wet", and is, therefore, not firing on all six cylinders.

My husband's brain sat in a bath of alcohol 24/7. Because I'd only see him have a few beers each night (he was hitting vodka he'd hidden around the house) I had no idea he was always bombed. I blamed his declining heath on his cancer/surgery, an excuse he was only too happy to nurture.

I've learned that he started out pretty high functioning, and now see how the alcoholism progressed as I witnessed his health and his temperment decline and him morph into someone I was thinking I couldn't stay with much longer.

He's confessed to still being drunk when he'd leave for work in the morning. He'd start to feel sobered up in the afternoon, and felt ready to drink by time he pulled in the garage at the end of the day. Before he'd come in from the garage, he'd hit the bottle of vodka he'd hidden in the garage, come in the house and grab a beer. And away he went.

With my **** grandson's mother living under our roof, and me in bed for the night, his infidelity began and progressed. Had he not been drinking, I don't believe her come ons would have been reciprocated. The night-after-night infidelity with her, coupled with his night-after-night alcohol brain baths, furthered his guilt and sense of self worth into, "well, look what I've done. I'm lost now, so why turn back", and the cycle continued and progressed into him getting paid prostitutes before D-day finally came.

Since D-day, he had taken advantage of the opportunity to pull himself out of the pit, and he's done a good job. I continue to be amazed and surprised. Therefore, I believe, at least for my own situation, that no, alcohol can't cause infidelity, but it's affects on the drinker's diminished brain, absolutely CAN create the foundation for self-defeating, self-destructive, self-hateful behaviors, such as infidelity.

I know mine may be the exception, so I'm very interested in hearing from those of you, who like me, are in the trenches.

JohnDelko: I hope and pray for your continued recovery, and my heart hopes you will have the chance to be a good husband to your wife again. Regardless, read Jeremiah 29:11- my mantra, and make it your own heart-felt knowledge of your future.