Originally Posted by
Babyblue 
btw.. I can tell you do want what is best for you and are confused by the situation with Dad. Sounds like you are handling it the right way. I was looking at just the logistics of her sitch being in jail and visiting vs. being in a setting where she is getting support. I think it is great you are trying to support your friend but Dad is coming from a different angle and I'd hate to think there were thoughts about you being from a different background that were causing him to not trust you. Downright a shame if that were the case.
More details become revealed on a regular basis. It seems, his problem is simply prejudice. He does not want me and her to have a future. Period. He said I'm not what he would want for her. Which..once again... I've made it perfectly clear... There is nothing..but friendship. What the future holds? I don't pretend to know, right now..I'm focused on being there for her in the best possible way. Not leading her on. Her best friend, and her father both think I'm up to no good and agree I should disappear. They both refuse to talk to me, which makes me doubt their sincerity in every way. I've done everything I can to stay out of their way and adapt to what they wish. She doesn't "listen" well. They see her listening to me.. Jealousy, Self-righteousness, and prejudice all calculate into their theory that I'm bad for her. I take their view into account on a regular basis, and do my best to comfort them, but they seem completely focused on themselves more than anything. They are not interested in whats best for her, they're interested in controlling her. Her father has tried to 'arrange' her marriage a few times, and she has tried to make it work with these guys, but it never does. She said she blames herself for not being able to give her dad what he deserves(a child to be proud of because she married another wealthy person), especially after making him go through all this. Her dad tries to control every bit of her choices. They see that slipping away with my presence. Which could be a very bad thing or a very good thing in their eyes. They are acting as if it's the very bad thing, Which I understand. I truly do. I also see all the "underlying' incentives that could motivate me to take advantage of the situation. I'm fully aware of that, and respect his 'caution' in that area. I wish I had the answers for them, right now I'm more concerned with her though. They're digging their own hole with her, and I pray it would stop.
I don't go to counsel her, I'm letting you guys know the parts that deal with the 'rehab' situation because that's what this place is about. I don't show up, pull out my grade book and say.. "Kids..today in class we'll be covering the effects of dope on the souls ability to discern." I listen..advise if I consider it appropriate..I love on her..but most of all..all we do is laugh and joke. It takes up about 90 percent of our conversation, if we do have one.
She wants answers, and she is actually very..resistant to anyone or thing that offers help. She wants to do it all alone and wants everyone else to disappear. She has already gotten rid of a couple friends that tried to stay in contact with her. She isn't one to latch on, she sees weakness in it and despises dealing with people because it reminds her of what she lost, and what she misses on a regular day. She won't take too many people serious, I've earned that respect coincidentally. She would definitely NOT listen to just anyone.. Not in her character at all. One of the most stubborn people I've ever known... although she has been breaking a lot of her old habits. She shows progress in obvious ways, which makes it hard to take the notion that I'm "bad" for her too serious. She smiles.. more and more.. the longer we know each other. Which..is my moto by the way. I live my life by that..
"Just keep smiling.. " It's always worked for me.
TOD, I've told her that I had a past in dealing, but never told her any details. It's possible that he might know something a long those lines, but I doubt it.
He never brings it up when complaining about me,which I'm sure he would if he could..if you heard some of the things he tries to "make up' to complain about...you wouldn't be able to take this man too serious. He's using everything he can against me....he just doesn't have much to use against me..
Coffeedrinker, I believe almost everything you said, except for the part about not having any 'power' over addicts. I think it's the power we have over them, that we use unwittingly against them, that pushes them away and down the holes. In most cases the addict is completely responsible, but not in all..in my opinion.
I'm a Christian. Of course I believe in a higher power, and that higher power lives within me, and through me. So believing I have no "power' to change someone would nullify my entire Faith.
I believe the programs are very good, I do. I have no doubt, these programs have SAVED people's lives. I simply don't agree with all they say. This particular item being one.