hi highfunction and
to SR. I'm glad you found this place...there are lots of supportive, loving and humourous people here.
I wanted to respond to your post because I too came here due to a "high functioning" alcoholic (my x-husband), and I wasn't really convinced he was an alcoholic at all, because he could handle his booze very well. We had a bunch of conversations about his drinking that always ended up with either promises to cut down he wouldn't keep, accusations about my being too controlling, or redirection towards some fault or other of MINE that made it ok for him to drink. It was a maddening dance, and if I'm honest, I kept dancing, because I too *hoped* that he'd get better, that we'd be happy, and that he'd become the man I wanted him to be.
Here I am, 6 years, a divorce, and a 2 year old later, still recovering from the financial repercussions of my adventures in "Saving An Alcoholic Land".
Granted, your ABF (alcoholic bf) isn't abusive like mine was, and he doesn't display the personality flaws that mine does. HOWEVER, let me remind you that alcoholism is a
progressive disease. He may be "high functioning" today, but in 2, 5, or 10 years, it won't be the same story.
The fact of the matter is:
You didn't CAUSE the addiction
You can't CURE the addiction
You can't CONTROL the addiction
Nothing you say or do, or don't say or don't do will ever change your ABF's drinking. You simply don't have that power. You do however have power over yourself. You can choose what you are willing and not willing to deal with in your relationship...
I applaud you for thinking about your future children with this man...no matter how wonderfully successful he is *now*, you can bet that things will worsen as time goes by. Are you going to gamble your children's wellbeing on the *hope* that your ABF suddenly wakes up one day and says "Oh honey, you were right and I was wrong...I'll cut down right now and maybe even go to AA!".
I'm sorry you're in such a crappy situation. I hope I'm not coming off as too harsh. I speak from experience and hope to save you from the heartache I've been through. And comparatively speaking, I had it "easy". I was only with my alcoholic/addict for 6 years, and I was incredibly lucky to win sole custody of my baby girl. Others on this site haven't been so lucky and continue to have to coparent with an alcoholic partner who is deep in denial.
Keep posting!! SR is always open.