Hi everyone,
This is my first time talking to anyone who has any experience with alcoholism about my boyfriend. I'm doubtful that anyone can give advice that will truly help me help my boyfriend stop drinking, but what I'm doing just isn't working so it's worth a shot.
I'm 25 and living with a 33 year old who has a definite drinking problem, in that he'll drink 6 drinks a night if I don't ask/beg him to stop around 3. Sometimes he doesn't fight and just stops, but sometimes he gets angry that I asked and tells me I'm "too controlling." Usually though, even if he gets angry, he
does stop. Once, he even thanked me because as much as I did "nag" him about his drinking, it did result in his drinking less.
He doesn't mind, and even enjoys, drinking alone. If I have one drink with him, he feels obliged to have four more. He's never been remotely violent with me. If he ever were, I'm a tough cookie and wouldn't put up with it. I'm not slightly afraid of him. Drinking does not interfere with his work. He is
wildly successful. I do believe that if drinking began to be a problem for him at work, he would do what he had to stop.
However, because of the nature of the flexibility of what he does, I don't think drinking will ever interfere with his career. My major concerns are:
1) His health. I'm a nursing student and I'm aware of all the terrible, long term side effects of drinking at the rate he drinks. He has terrible acid problems as it is, takes prilosec regularly and drinks mylanta every night. He knows it is the alcohol causing this, and still won't stop.
2) My future babies. I really love this man and hope that he's going to be in my life for a long time, but I don't want to hurt my future babies by exposing them to a parent who drinks.
3) What he's not telling me. I imagine that he really has tried to cut back, and has failed. It makes me sad to watch him and know he's probably struggling in such a sad way.
I've tried making him dr's appointments for his acid reflux, in hopes that the dr would talk to him about the serious dangers of drinking, but he always finds a reason to reschedule appointments.
I have talked with him about it numerous times with varying outcomes in the conversation (sometimes he agrees he drinks too much, sometimes he denies it), but the same outcome in the end: his drinking pattern doesn't change.
Even just last week I told him that if he could cut down to 2-3 drinks nightly, with a night here and there without any, I wouldn't bother him about it for the rest of his life. He said, "realllllllly? I think I could handle that.." So he tried, and failed. Since then, he's cut back to about 4 drinks per night.
We're getting to a point in our relationship where I'm *hoping* that we'll be getting married someday, but...is it stupid to make that kind of commitment to someone who has such an obvious problem? I can't imagine leaving him when it's not really having a terribly negative impact on our relationship, but I wonder if the situation isn't worse than I like to think it is.
Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.