Let yourself continue to nurture and grow in the knowedge that you ARE BEING ABUSED.
Let yourself grow angry, and let it stay.
Little bits at a time.
Pretty soon, you will be able to stay angry and not let the sad get you back into the cycle with him.
The more you feed your light, the more you will crave.
Do not be hard on yourself if you backslide.
This is a process.
You are seeing it, saying it(to us, at least...and that is huge).
Remember to focus on what you WANT, and not what you fantasize could be.
Keep posting and reading. Look back over some peoples posts.
You can do that by clicking on their name and find more posts.
hang in there.