Thank you all for your continued replies and advice. It's helping me alot to read your input... and makes me feel less isolated and alone in this. I'm very thankful to have found this site and all of you.
I reached out to her once in an email about a week ago... wanting to talk.. saying her silence is like a void. She responded with an email saying she'd think about my words and reply... but has not. I still have this desire to help her... but I know (and your words have reinforced) that she has to help herself. In the past she has always "cut and run" when relationships faultered. I doubt she'll ever address any of this... even for closure. I can't make her honestly look at herself or her behavior.
I'm searching within myself, trying to understand why I tolerated her behavior, why I still feel a need to help her. I'm struggling to be objective.
I'm abit confused about "co-dependency"... where is the line between the self sacrifices a person makes for someone they deeply love, struggling to help... and being "co-dependent".
Also... is Alonon an option even if I'm not in the relationship anymore? Do people go even when the relationship with an addict is in the past?
Thank you all your continued input. I feel horribly alone and isolated and this forum is helping alot.