I'm sorry you are hurting, welcole to SR, I have found this a wonderful place for strength and inspiration.
I want to stay strong, but what I really want is him.
do you really want him, or someone very much like him who doesn't put alcohol before you? because he is the whole package that he presents as now. You asked, he told you. One of my worst relationship vices is going out with someone who would be great if they just didn't do/think/say x/y/z. And Our needs and wants in a relationship are important, if you want dsomeone who doesn't drink the way he does and he won't change, that tells you something powerful.
Nobody is gonna love you more.
er, excuse me? DANGER! WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!
you are worthy of a deep satisfying love with someone that doesn't believe that they are the best you can get, and your valid concerns and heartfelt stated needs are "senseless nonsense".
much love, I know this is a horrible time for you.