Hi Jaded! Welcome!
Why do I still love him when he is so very emotionally abusive?
This is one if those magical statements that you can bring verbatim to a counselor or therapist and it will start unlocking doors in your mind and can change your life - if you're ready to start making changes!
Try AlAnon. Try therapy. Don;t beat yourself up for who you love, be gentle and figure out why you do what you do and how you can make some steps to change it - baby steps will still take you places.
Stick around-
Peace-
B