hello redbaron,
this is a wonderful site, chock full of compassionate folks, and a lot of experience from which you can surely derive strength.
i wanted to welcome you to the forum. please stick around.
i had to do a lot of checking up too, when my husband was not yet sober. to say it drains you is sure an understatement.
i would think - i guess - that if she returns to active using (any substance, not just alcohol), that i would insist on her leaving the home. that's not divorce, it's keeping your children safe. the optimal thing in that event, is probably to get a loving an active nanny for them.
keep us posted