Thanks to all of you for your sharing and your insight. There are many relationships that fail through no fault of alcoholism or addiction. They fail because of a multitude of other reasons - abuse, infidelity, crime, selfishness, growing apart... sometimes they just end because the relationship has run its course and it's just over.
I've been around people in recovery for a long time. I've seen many marriages / relationships survive and thrive within alcoholism or addiction when at least one of the parties is working a program of recovery. That's why the answer is always the same when someone comes here and says "My loved one has a problem with alcohol or drugs". The standard answer is to check out Al Anon or some other recovery program, work on yourself, etc etc. How can there EVER be a downside to getting ourselves healthier, stronger, smarter ? Even if the relationship fails, the person working to better himself or herself is ahead. Healthier is a good thing, no?
I hope to read more success stories. That's what this site is all about. How we handle our situation, what we can do to be supportive, and how we can get healthier. The answer shouldn't always be "gosh why are you with him? You should leave". That answer comes from someone else who has had a lot of pain in their life and found that to be a solution. It's not the only solution.
Thanks again. I love this place.