Thank you for this thread. I ask myself this question everyday. My husband has been in recovery for 9 months. I see such a difference. I feel there is a hope I never felt before. At the same time, it requires so much work on my part (detachment, patience, etc.) His meetings & recovery always come first. Seeing him devoted to recovery, finding fellowship with others who understand his struggle make me happy. I prayed for this for a long long time (14 years!) 9 months sober is still very early in recovery.
This is, of course, a wonderful opportunity for me to work on myself & address all of my lifelong issues as a co-dependent/enabler. I left my husband about 16 months ago. I left fully intending to divorce & leave that chapter of my life behind me. It took him another six months of attempting to drink himself to death to finally surrender & enter an in-patient program. When I saw him making the effort (sincere effort to enter a life of recovery, my heart softened. We have been "dating." There have been bumps in the road since his recovery, emotional shutdowns & addict-thinking creeping back. However, it is night & day! I have not yet moved back home because I feel he needs to have more "sober time" & active recovery under his belt. I too need my own recovery. I don't know "when I will know," but I am turning it over to my HP.
If or when (if we keep up, it will be "when") I return home, it will be an adjustment for him, me & our child. I want to be prepared. I am in no hurry, though I get impatient sometimes. Getting (&staying well) is my priority. I do not ever want to go back to the insanity of active addiction
. I will never again tolerate EVER active addiction in my life or my child's.
I know there are no guarantees, but I appreciate my RAH's sincere effort to remain in recovery. His actions (& mine) will tell.
I think it's possible, but not easy. . . I am trying hard to take it one day at a time.