emotional abuse
Phoenix, thanks for that post! My AH is still in a nursing home recovering from nearly killing himself from drinking. He has Korsakoff Syndrome now and possibly worse. Still waiting after 3 weeks for results of neuropsycometric testing :-(. Should results take that long? Anyway... So many of the questions you posed about what an emotional abuser does, rang so many bells. MY AH didn't do some of them, some are subtle and some are pretty clear. Alot of them stopped happening as he got older and more feeble too but it answered alot of the fears I have about bringing him home. I told him the only way he could come home was if he stopped being such a d**k. I really want out of this relationship. I thought he was going to die and thought that would end it but no...I had to save him. Part of me could kick myself but I can't be that way. I almost wish he had ever hit me. You're so right that physical abuse is easier to deal with than emotional abuse. At one point I told him I wanted a divorce, which got me in big trouble with his daughter who is just as abusive as he is and now thinks she is in control and is so angry with me for letting some other family members and friends know where things were at. How dare I reveal to others HIS bad behavior..even though it was to let them know how severe the situation and his mental state was and that I needed help from them. So I currently have more issues with her than him! Makes me want to run farther and faster than ever! But I am learning to hold my own with her and him. So that's good. They just really know where those buttons are with their subtle sarcasm and shaming behavior. It's very difficult not to feel threatened after so many years of this. I grew up in this and watched terrible physical abuse to my mother too. I now have real issues knowing how to trust or who to trust because so many times I feel like I get taken advantage of. I am getting better, but I know I'll always have those pot holes waiting to gobble me up and it scares the hell out of me. I'd rather be alone and often isolate because of it. I wish people would stop being so mean to each other. Thanks for your post again.