Teggie, the older I get the more I know that I don't know much, but I know this from recent experience: HOLD THE LINE. Don't let him come back too soon. The kids will begin to see changes, they will begin to respect what you are doing as they see things change. If you have daughters this is incredibly important, as you know, because you need to set an example for them on love, forgiveness, capacity for growth and so they don't go out and look for a guy with all dad's stuff going on. If you have a son(s), same deal but different because boys adore their mothers so much: he'll/they'll be watching how dad treats you and gauge their behavior off that.
Hang in there. It's really, incredibly hard when you love someone so deeply and long to be with them with the core of your entire being, but to step backwards now would be a grievous error. Hang in there: you're doing all the right things.
