This is a very interesting thread for me because I continue to live with an active alcoholic. Yes I do have some very bad times but things are definitely improving, due to me practising detachment, not reacting and choosing when best to fight my battles.
Most people come to SR when their life is really unmanageable and consequently there is a lot of reported negativity about alcoholics and their behaviours. I too have been guilty of this and the majority of my posts would be about the negative things happening in my life. SR, afterall is a website for support and most members would have found there way here through some trauma or disappointment caused by an alcoholic.
However, I remain fairly resolute that I will lead a relatively happy life with my active AH but sometimes feel quite put off from being positive on this website as the general consensus seems to be that your wasting your time. I have also deleted many of my intended posts, not wanting to be accused of 'justifying' why I am still with my AH.
I appreciate that not all alcoholics are the same. Of course there are those who are spiralling out of control extremly quickly, those that appear not to have any morals and regard for their love ones. Those that break the law and do not fear consequences - the list could go on and on.
My particular AH of 22 years, is a 'functioning' alcoholic (although I hate that term), he works hard, very hard and has done all his life. He is up at 5am most mornings and very rarely has a day off sick and has very few holidays due to be self employed. He does far more around the house than me too - washing, cleaning and cooking. The majority of the time he is loving, caring and thoughtful, sending me a txt message most days to see how my day is going. Sometimes he even runs me a bath for when I get home from work. We even plan our future together, growing old. He can be generous with our daughters and for the most part, is an interacting, loving member of our family.
Of course he is an active alcoholic, so he is not perfect by any stretch of the immagination. There are times he has been verbally abusive, downright annoying, cruel and unreasonable. Most days he bothers me, only by being sleepy or making a general comment that seems a bit off wack to me and this I am learning to live with and ignore. Even 'normal' non alcoholic husbands can be hard to live with and somethings you learn to let go of.
There are a few at my Al-anon group who continue to live with active alcoholism, one has been going to Al-anon for 22 years and her AH is still drinking. The key really is looking after yourself and detaching and keeping the focus off the alcoholic and this is getting easier for me, every day that I practice it. I have a couple of 'hobbies' that I have taken up too that get me away from the house for a couple of evenings a week.
So to answer you threads question 'is there hope to a happy relationship' - I hope so, as I am working on it and do I wish my AH could get sober - Of course I do, then I would have best of both worlds.