Daughter,
You have started on your journey of setting boundaries with your alcoholic father. You started by telling your AF not to call you when he is drinking.
"I set a boundary yesterday and told my dad not to call me if he's been drinking. If he does I will tell him I don't want to talk to him. I told him that these conversations aren't beneficial to him and they are hurting me, so I needed to put my foot down." You are now concerned about him buying wine while he is visiting you over the Holidays. You wrote
"Next step is telling him I won't take him to buy wine when he comes to visit...this one may be trickier and I'm not sure whether I need to give him a heads up beforehand or not. I have a few weeks to decide." "If I tell him in advance that I'm not taking him on liquor store runs it's kind of like I'm encouraging him to bring something -- right? Whereas if I say nothing until it comes up it's more like I'm setting a boundary..." However, you are uncomfortable being around your alcoholic father while he is drinking. You wrote
"Hopefully after our conversation last night he's a bit more aware that I'm not OK with being around him while he's drinking. If not I'll have to set the record straight when he gets here!" Yet you and your husband will have your alcohol in your home and will be drinking socially around him. You wrote
"My husband and I are social drinkers, so I don't want to say that we don't allow it in the house -- it's not true. In this case I'm leaning towards not making it an issue until/unless it becomes one."
Daughter, you may need to go back to your drafting table and rethink your boundaries you want established with your alcoholic father. I do understand what your intentions are with your father. It's coming from your love and concern about his excessive amount of drinking. I, also, can see enforcing these boundaries as if you were a parent talking with their teenagers about the dangers of drinking while you're drinking a glass of wine or a can of beer; or talking to your teenagers about the dangers of smoking while you are holding and inhaling on a cigarette.
I understand the difference between social drinking and the drinking of an alcoholic, but the alcoholic doesn't! The alcoholic denies they are drinking in excessive amounts, and views their amount of alcohol as normal or as social drinking.
Just my opinion......take what you like......and leave the rest!
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