This thread that I started made me to do some inner soul searching.
Why do I have such a fear of my DDH? He has never physically abused me,
RIGHT?! Yet what he has done to me could be considered psychological abuse. After I conducted further research and dug up some resources from one of my previous lifes I started another thread entitled "Psychological/emotional/ verbal Abuse".
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...bal-abuse.html
I consider myself to be generous, intelligent and caring. Yet my DDH has refused to listen to me about anything. He is always determined to do what he wants, when he wants, and how he wants. Over the years I have tried to get my DDH to take responsibility for his aggression, his controlling, his abusiveness, and his unkindness. I have never found a way to actually engage him in a conversation that would enable a resolution. I believe he thinks if we don't talk about it, it just goes away by itself. This ends up being a waste of energy! This has lead me to get very angry.
I have tried many strategies to be heard. My DDH has refused to take any responsibility for his behaviours. I have tried getting him to see logic. I have often confronted him with requests that he should listen to me, and not to try to control me, but he always claims everything he does is right and justified.
If I assert myself, he gets angry and enraged and creates fear in me. Irrational fear?! No matter what strategy I use, he refuses to take responsibility for his behaviours, and refuses to consider mine or his wellbeing. I don't consider myself to be passive. I have often tried to help my DDH see how frustrating his control tactics are, but he has turned a deaf ear to such pleas. My DDH is determined to meet his own needs, not mine. I have tried to explain to him how his neglectful behaviours, denigration and mind games have affected me. I have tried to explain to my DDH how trapped I feel, how hurt I feel, how I need the safety and the space to be myself, but he has used this information as further ammunition to further control, manipulate and abuse me. My most frequent means of coping is to try to remain silent.
Jadmack wrote "Oh dear, this may be where he has tripped himself up....public show of abuse etc, is not quite what he wanted I guess." Maybe this time he might get himself into individual therapy for himself. I don't think I have anything left to give him!
However, he's acting as nothing is wrong!......Except for his neck brace and his inability to do anything for himself!
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