I haven't read the other posts so if this is replicated, i'm sorry.
This site is a god-send for codies and alcoholics. My personal experience is that this site
SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity
helped me the most as it specifically educates and supports folks who have been in your/our situation.
Now if we could combine the two, that would be a match made in heaven to fight off the demons of hell!
Good luck, I will strongly suggest you visit that site and get some support for your triggers and reconciliation. There are two forums , Reconciliation and General, that will help the most.