Originally Posted by
wicked 
Trying to separate what I "know" from my feelings is a struggle, because I am tired.
Another perfectionist here Sarah, and still, I think since I was such a wonderful person (to this guy according to him) that I am owed something?
Yes, my expectations grew and it has left me sad and tired.
Ah, yes. The expectations. It's so hard for me to let those go. I try not to get my hopes up about so many things, because I feel like my life is just a constant battle of "waiting for the other shoe to drop." And then I get my hopes up anyway, and then after the big letdown, feel stupid because I let myself be "suckered" again. That's a hard balance to find - being hopeful and optimistic against waiting for the hurt to come. I don't want to be some jaded old woman (that's my mother), but I don't want to be vulnerable, either. I don't want to constantly go through life so guarded that I'm scrutinizing the intentions of everyone around me, but I just can't keep putting myself out there to be a doormat, either.
And I haven't really gotten to the place of separating what I "know" from what I feel. Right now they are one in the same. I can talk a good game as an ACOA, but walking the walk is proving challenging. I hope that I can do that sometime in the future. Thanks for letting me know I'm not the only one who feels like this - sometimes I feel like the only sane person in an asylum.