I am a recovered alcoholic wife and I would echo the comments of fiftypence: it is not about you or her, it is about your kids. Who is the best caregiver of your children right now? If you put your proposals forward with nothing but your children's best care in mind, that will be noticed and appreciated by the courts.
And to be rather blunt and to the point: you need to prepare yourself with legal advice and counsel: stop guessing about what will happen and dish out a few bucks for legal advice. Your post reflects haphazard guesswork about the law. Make yourself an expert. And don't diddle around with your relationship.
My husband never wanted to divorce me. He wanted me to get sober. He made that clear. Did I hate that choice? Yeah. I hated him and I hated that choice. I wanted him to divorce me so I could just drink myself into self pity oblivion. He didn't agree with that: he wanted me to step up to the plate and get sober.
You mention controlling issues. Most codies fall into the catagory of either trying to control us alcoholics or trying to fix our messes. My husband is codie to me in that he tried to always fix my alcoholic messes, but he never tried to prevent them.
I was the accident, our kids were the victims, and my husband was the ambulance. In my husbands case he got tired of being the ambulance driver. Yet, in other codie relationships, people get tired of doing all the preventative actions.
Maybe you need to ask yourself what kind of codie you are and how you can start the healing process.